Just wanted to let you know... (In your memory {...} and in memory to this bad love that you give to her)

Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2009 00:25:47 +0000

Theres just so many things I want you to know.
So I will try to tell them here.

First of all I want you to know that I could never hate you, you ask so many times if I hate you, and I dont, I could never hate you. Well yeah, I could hate you.. if you ever killed yourself in one way or another, then I would hate you. But you are not going to do that, cause you promised me... remember?!
I know you say that I have to stop being so sad about it all, but I cant, Im still sad about what {...}. I never ment to hurt you, I never ment to break your heart. If I could go back in time I would. But I cant do magic. Im sorry.
Im so sorry that you have to go thru all this crazy shit with your {...}, I really wish that I could be with you, but I cant, at least not in real life. You have to know that I will always be with you when you close your eyes and think of me. So if you need me, just breath slow and deep, close your eyes and think of me, and I will be right by your side. It counts forever, even 10 years from now I will still be with you in this way, thats the beauty of dreams. Never forget to dream.
You are a good person, you have a strong heart and mind, use it on good things. You are funny, sweet, sexy (even when your arms are purple) you are beautiful, smart, and a good friend.
The only thing that is wrong with you, is that you have to believe some more in yourself. Dont let the world bring you down. Sometimes life is hard and really scary, but sometimes life is also good and brings you good things. You just have to fight when life is bad, fight for the good days that waits for you. Cause there will always be more good days, even when the world seems dark and there is no hope, life will always turn around and be good again, you just have to wait and be strong.
I know you can do this, I belive in you because you promised me that you will do this. But I also believe in you, because I know you are strong enough to do it. You are a winner, so you have to win this one, life is winning and dead is loosing, so go and kick ass on dead!! Pretend that dead is you stupid {...}, you will not let him win... will you??? NO Thats not the {person} I know, so fight!!! And never stop fighting!!!
Life is worth fighting for, and I know that you deep in your heart know that Im right, you just have to remember that life also can be good. Its not all bad sweety. You have a good family, good friends, in two months you will have good {...} you have a sweet dog and so on. There are so many good and beautiful things in life, like a sun that shines, a child that laughs, a hug, a good movie, the smell of oranges, hot water, strawberries and cream, good music, the smell of a rose, a soft blanket, a rainbow, a smile from a stranger on the street and so on. You just gotta open your eyes and heart and let it in.
Love is good too, and even when your life goes bad you still have love. You always have love from your friends and family, love is always around you, you just gotta open your heart and feel it, let it in.
And even when I leave you, I will still love you, you will still have my love. I dont stop loving you the day I leave, thats not possible. You will always have a special place in my heart nothing can ever change that.
I will always remember the time we shared, I will always remember you. You are very important to me, and you will still be very important to me the day I have to leave. And I will miss you like crazy. My life will be like shit, but we both know I have to do it. Its for the best, in the end its the best thing to do for both of us.
I know its hard to understand, but I think you will understand it some time from now when you start to feel better. Leaving you is going to be one of the hardest things I have done in my life, and it breaks my heart, but I have to go on with my life, I have to go on living, cause I gave you that promise a long time ago.
And Im going to keep it. Just as you are going to keep the promise you gave me about fighting for your life.
Cause, I will know it if you kill yourself. I will know it, cause I will feel it in my heart. It would be like killing my heart, and I cant live without a heart, no one can.
So dont kill me, please dont kill me.
I love you, nothing can change that. You just have to love yourself too, that way life will be so much easyer. Believe in yourself, and love yourself, then you will be strong enough to do everything.
I dont know if I believe in God, but I believe in this: "Dont ask God to make your life easyer... ask him to make you stronger."

I dont know where you are right now, maybe you are at the {...}. I hope you are ok. I will wait for you 1 hour more and then I have to go. Hope you will come here before I have to go. I miss you.
If you dont come back before I go, then I hope I will see you tomorrow.
I love you.
Close your eyes, breath deep and slow and think of me if you need me, and I will be right there by your side.
Always and forever.
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Date: Tue, 18 Nov 2009 23:44:10

No I dont know how much you love me, but I know how much I love you.

I trust that you will keep all your promises, I trust you more than ever.

My love is not a dream too. My love is real, and it will keep living even when I have to go, nothing can change that love.

I could never make you promise that you will not cry the day I leave, because I know you have too, and I know I will cry too.. so that would be evil to make you promise something like that.

You are a dream, and you WILL live forever in my heart.

This love hurts me too sometimes, but still I dont wanna stop loving you.

I love you, I really do.